Gladiator
I'm about 15 years old and I'm at a small fairground with my older brother (who is 23 at the time), his girlfriend and her daughter. They all decide to get on a rollercoaster and my stomach turns at the thought but I join them in the queue. I don't like the idea of being on this rusty looking contraption. I like being in control, I don't think I'd ever been on a rollercoaster at the time. As we get close to boarding I look over my shoulder to see my brother is now outside the perimeter. He's looking at me through the fence, recognising the fear in my face and laughing wickedly with a glint in his eye. My 15 year-old brain quickly jumps to a few conclusions:
1. My big brother is a *&$£!
2. If my big brother is scared then I should be terrified
Unfortunately, instead of following my gut feeling and leaving the queue I stayed. Why? Because I'm a boy of course. How could I admit I was scared when this woman and her daughter (who was much younger than me) were so at ease. The fact my older brother was scared didn't seem to figure in my decision, this was a clear case of what some textbooks refer to as 'emotional reasoning'.
Needless to say it was a horrific experience, the longest 5 minutes of my existence. The fear intensified as the rollercoaster slowly began its ascent and when it dropped...my stomach fell somewhere outside of my body. I fought that ride every inch of the way, hating the lack of control, stomach clenched and face grimacing most of the way. When I finally got out I promised I'd never get in another rollercoaster again. Ever.
Fast-forward 6 years and I'm at Alton Towers with some friends. I've lived a little life, tackled a few fears and I decide that since I'm at a theme park anyway I'm going to face that fear of rollercoasters. While queueing up for the ride I tell myself I'm going to just let go and ride the adrenaline - it was an intuitive thing not something I'd really thought about. As the long, slow ascent begins I'm talking to the rollercoaster under my breath telling it that it's nothing, psyching myself up like a boxer before a fight. This time when it drops I take a deep breath and a second after all the high-pitched screams begin all around me a low guttural roar spontaneously issues from the pit of my stomach like a warrior running into battle. Fear, adrenaline, defiance and God-only-knows-what-else all rolled into one long:
"AAAAAAAAAAAARRGGHHHHHHH!!!"
...and I let go.
I spent the rest of the ride smiling enjoying every second urging the machine to go faster. The fear that once crippled me was now a wave of pure excitement for me to ride.
"Fear is just excitement without the breath."
Dr Gay Hendricks PhD, The Big Leap
This principle, this transformation of adrenaline into energy or 'fear into fuel' is something I have got better at over the years but when I trace that pattern back I think this was the first time I consciously made that mind-body connection.
So, if we go back to the original question I can give you my answer...
How do you enjoy a rollercoaster?
Let go.
What's yours?
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